Reality

Long ago, mankind was a starry-eyed child who gazed with wonder at rocks and trees. The sky, so beautiful and vast, filled humans with curiosity. We wanted to understand what we were seeing, so we created mythologies. Heavenly bodies became gods with easy to remember backstories that crystallized man’s knowledge and made it easy to remember. The first of these gods was Reality.

Reality spent his time jerking off and spouting trivia. Both fascinated early humans. People got so much spunk on them they became pregnant with ideas. They learned how to do things that they didn’t fully understand and called those procedures Magic. Magic and Reality screwed around and gave birth to a dimwit they named Religion. Religion wanted everything his way all the time. He even tried to get Magic and Reality to stop screwing around, but they didn’t care. Soon Magic gave birth to a bright but arrogant child she named Science.

Humans stood in awe of these powerful children as they fought for control over undefined information. The gods argued over  who was more important, playing tug of war with “the known” until mankind’s knowledge ripped in two. After a scolding from Reality, the gods promised to tie it all back together, but only after the second great tug of war had a clear winner. Each god asked humans to get behind them and lend their unwavering support. Many chose Religion because his simple charm was more appealing than his arrogant brother. Many others chose Science, because Religion’s control issues were intolerable, and he usually didn’t know what he was talking about.

The war raged on, each side growing more frustrated and intolerant of the other. Religion always had strength in numbers, but Science was more resourceful. His strength and skill grew steadily while Religion’s stayed the same.

As Science nears the end of puberty, mankind is beginning to see how little it understands. Things long since defined and filed away are far less limited than they thought. So, once again, they gaze with wonder at the simplest things.

Meanwhile, Reality is old as fuck. He’s grown senile and incontinent.  Any minute now he’ll begin to unravel like a dry-rotted ball of yarn, and that’s a good thing.

How many times has someone sadly said, “That’s just the way things are”?

That’s reality.

Luckily, that malevolent force is passing faster than an old woman with a broken hip. We no longer have to live in fear. The tyrant that has so long enslaved us with popular opinions and common sense is dying.

Reality’s life support system runs on humanity’s lack of understanding. He would have died years ago if not for the millions chanting, “That would be nice, but it’ll never happen.”

Magic thinks we should pull the plug. She is lifting her skirt, offering herself in exchange for your beliefs. Imagine your ideal world, and she will make it happen. Grow yourself some wings. Breathe underwater. Make yourself invisible and go dancing naked on the Whitehouse lawn. Eat nothing but pepperoni pizza and grow healthier than you’ve ever been.

You can do anything if you believe hard enough. Reality taught us that.